Hi I’m Randi, I’m just a country girl from a small farming community in Montana. Today I would like to share how the Restored Gospel has helped me in my life over the past year since I joined the church. When I first joined the church last year I had no idea how much my life was about to change. The Savior is always waiting for us, he’s waiting to help, but that requires strength to ask for help. I often feel less than unworthy of the Atonement. As I learn about the Atonement it helps me realize that I am a Child Of God, and that I was created in his image. One of the things about anxiety is that I often feel stressed out, and I have learned that Heavenly Father loves us and that he gives me the strength to do the hard things, and that when I focus on the Savior I am truly happy. I have learned that when I am forgiven by the Savior, I am enough, I don’t have to be something I’m not. When I first joined the church I remember my Bishop encouraging me to pray and to ask Heavenly Father to help me see myself through his eyes. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and some major anxiety and depression. It's something I've been struggling with for years and it doesn't really get any easier. For years I was in denial that I struggle with chronic mental health. I thought that having mental health disorders was a result of a lack of a strong, healthy relationship with Heavenly Father. I thought that I was a negative person because I was depressed. I thought that having flashbacks of years of physical and mental childhood abuse was something I was doing to myself by being so negative. It took me a long time to realize that surviving the traumatic events I had through my life was a normal response and that it isn't my fault. It took me a long time to understand that I am worthy of love and acceptance. When I first met the Missionaries I thought that everything they taught me was too good to be true. I thought that everyone was as broken as me and I was accurate in that, we're all broken in our own ways. I lost hope that I could be happy, that I could laugh again. I lost hope that things could be better, that I could have healthy friendships. I remember a conversation I had with my Bishop, and I remember that he told me that as I learn to accept and apply the Atonement in my life that I could heal from my past and be happy. I remember when I opened up to a friend from church and was able to be completely transparent with her about everything. I felt like a bad friend for not reaching out, for not being able to open up to people. I remember my friend telling me that sometimes it's ok to be loved and heal, that one day I would be able to be a good friend in return and give. I remember this friend telling me that it's impossible to give if we don't have anything to give. By understanding the Savior's love for me I have been able to embrace myself for who I am, to begin to love and accept myself. As I continue on this journey of healing, I have been able to experience happiness and peace, and I have joy in my life. Just because I am learning to apply the Atonement in my life doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with mental health issues. Yes there are nights I still can't sleep because I'm still heartbroken, I still break down and cry for no reason sometimes. But being able to embrace the feelings and to understand that I don't have to be perfect is liberating. I still struggle with fear, being scared, being haunted with nightmares. But the negative voices and words are slowly going away. I know that because of the Savior I am loved, protected, I am a Child of God. I am perfect, I have the ability to grow and change, to build my weaknesses and imperfections into strengths. I know that I have purpose and I'm not a mistake. I know that because of the Savior I can have lasting joy and happiness and I am enough.
Randi
Havre, Montana