Let me tell you about a year that I will never forget. First of all, let me tell you a little about myself. I am 22 years old. I am an athlete who loves soccer. I began playing soccer when I was three and played on school, recreation, and club teams until the day I graduated from high school. Soccer is not my only sport. I’ve also played softball, basketball, and volleyball, and I even ran on a track and field team.
I’ve always been a go-getter and would do just about anything help others. I think I get that personality trait from my parents! From March 2017 to August 2018 I spent time in Brazil serving a mission for my church. I had so many opportunities to serve others while I was there. I spent those 18 months practically free from any illness.
I was home from Brazil less than a year when my life began to really change. To begin with, I got really sick in April and it was determined that I had a bacterium in my intestines. The doctors assumed it was a bacterium that I got while I was in Brazil. They told me that it remained dormant for a few months and then it “woke up” and hit me really hard. My doctor treated me for the bacterium and I felt much better. It was July 2019 when so many terrible things happened me and my health. So many things have happened since then that it’s hard to even explain. This is my story about how the worst month I’ve ever had changed my life forever and for the better.
I had just started my first semester at Brigham Young University, in Idaho, far from home, and I was more than excited to be there to start a new chapter in my life. I attended my first week of classes and that’s when everything changed for me. The week of September 25th, 2019 I was taken to the hospital, as I was so sick. I spent the previous week throwing up everything I ate and I had very bloody stools. It got so bad that I had to be wheeled around in a wheelchair; I was too weak to stand up, let alone, walk. That was the day I was told that I was very lucky to be alive. I had so much pain; the kind of pain that didn’t allow me to even move without crying. I had lost a lot of blood through my digestive tract; so much that my blood levels had dropped from normal to dangerously low. They were so low that I needed an immediate blood transfusion. It was absolutely not my week.
During my time in the hospital, the doctors did so many tests to see if they could figure out what was going on with me. There were x-rays, CT scans, and a colonoscopy. They did blood work – lots and lots of bloodwork. After days in the hospital test results began coming back, however, many of them came back normal and we started to get frustrated not knowing what is going on. I felt defeated.
After what seemed like a lifetime, but was actually about a week, we finally got the results back from the colonoscopy and the biopsies the doctor took and they told me that I have a very severe case of Ulcerative Colitis (UC). I didn’t know what UC was, but I knew that it runs in my family. I did my research and found out that UC is an inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) that causes inflammation and ulcers in a person’s large intestine (colon) and rectum, causing ulcers and severe pain. Symptoms usually develop over time, rather than suddenly. Mine seemed to appear rather suddenly! I wasn’t too shocked when I was diagnosed with UC because we had thought that I might have it a few months earlier (that episode turned out to be a bacterium in my stomach!) I think the most shocking part was how severe it was.
After many different doctors came to talk to me and me being prescribed many medications to help control my newly diagnosed disease, I finally was able to go back to my apartment to work on getting healthy and understand my new disease. It wasn’t easy the first few days back home, I had a new “normal” to get used too. I was on a new diet, had new medications to take, and I needed to get strong again to be able to go back to my regular daily routine. I was able to get well enough to finish the semester and then I headed home for winter break.
I still wasn’t feeling 100% when I got home to my parents’ house, but I thought I was getting better. Boy, was I wrong! Feeling well didn’t last long. When I went back to school in January 2020, I only made it through about 2 weeks of classes when I got really sick again! Again, I stopped eating. I threw everything up and I had no desire to eat. I was, once more, unable to do anything, including get out of bed. There were so many sleepless nights. There were fainting spells, making it very scary for me to be by myself. I made the hard choice to drop my college classes and go back to Arizona to be with my parents to get more intensive medical help. That was in February of this year and I have been here ever since.
To say that my life plans have been messed up, would be an incredible understatement. I am a 22-year-old woman who goes to at least 2 doctor’s appointments a week. I take about 20 pills a day and I give myself shots once a week. It has been one problem after another. At one point in my journey, I experienced all of these things at the same time: UC, bronchitis, an asymmetric nodule on my left breast, C-diff (a bacterium that causes symptoms ranging from diarrhea to life-threatening inflammation of the colon) TWICE, rapid heart rate, and severe anemia – not a great combination to go along with my UC! I was so sick that, for a second time, my parents thought that they would lose me. It has not been a great year for me.
I’ve been taught, since I was little, that life isn’t fair; some people have an abundance of money, others do not have as much. One person’s trials may seem way worse than another person’s and vice versa, but I know that all the trials, all the sickness, and all the sadness and pain I have gone through play a major role in who I am today and who I am supposed to be.
It sounds strange, but I am grateful for all the things I have gone through this past year. My trials have not been easy and there were so many days of pain and frustration, days that I didn’t know if I could go on, days that I didn’t want to go on. There were many days when I just laid in my bed and cried; not always tears of pain, sometimes because I was simply sick of being sick. It took about a year for doctors to be confident in what was happening with my body. It was such a long time without so many answers. It was during this part of my illness (all the questions, the wondering, the not knowing) that I really had to work on my faith in Heavenly Father, and in His son, my elder brother, Jesus Christ. As best as I could, I buried myself in the scriptures, I learned to really pray with all my heart. I learned to depend on the holy priesthood through blessings. Boy, was my faith tested. I think I came out on top, though.
During my most recent time of trial, I lost more than 70 pounds. It was a very unhealthy loss; a very dangerous loss. I hadn’t planned it. I didn’t try to lose it. It came as a side effect of my sickness. Regardless of how it happened, I am grateful for it. I was at an unhealthy weight to begin with, so I count myself blessed that some good came out of my “no food” weeks/months! I know I’m not supposed to focus on what others say/think about my weight/physical appearance, but for the first time in a long time, I could see the Kadie that I used to be. I am feeling better now and I am learning to love myself.
In the last year I have learned many things. I have learned (or was reminded that) my timing is not Heavenly Father’s timing. I have learned love myself, to take care of myself, and to make myself a priority. Loving and taking care of others is very easy for me. Loving myself and taking care of ME has always been a struggle. I’ve never thought of myself as beautiful, but through my trials and study and prayer, I’ve learned that I can love myself just as God loves me. I have been reminded daily, even hourly, that I have a loving Heavenly Father who will always be by my side. I have a strong love for my family and friends, and I am so grateful for their love and support through all of this.
Heavenly Father has humbled me to nothing, but I know with all my heart that He had to give me these trials so I could truly learn and grow into the woman I am supposed to be! I still have a lot of recovery and work to do to be able to return to full health and I have so much more to learn. I am happier now than ever before. I feel more love for myself and know that I am truly beautiful. I know that no matter what happens, Heavenly Father won’t ever leave my side. Over the past year I have gone through the hardest trials in my life and have learned many wonderful lessons along the way. I believe the most important thing that I’ve learned in the past year is how important it is to take care of and love myself, flaws and imperfections included. I am a daughter of God. He loves me. He gives me tests and trials and I will accept them every time and do my best to show my Heavenly Father that I love Him and have faith in Him and His plan.
Kadence
Arizona